


If I Wasn't Here, Where Would I Be?

by Taste_of_Suburbia



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 2014!verse, Angst, Battling, Cuddling & Snuggling, Exhaustion, Family, Flashbacks, Fluff, Frustration, Guilty Castiel, Human Castiel, Human Gabriel, Mild Withdrawal, Multi, Romance, The End, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-12
Updated: 2013-04-12
Packaged: 2017-12-08 07:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/758803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taste_of_Suburbia/pseuds/Taste_of_Suburbia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel is thinking of the past and Gabriel’s getting antsy without his candy and all Dean wants to do is sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Wasn't Here, Where Would I Be?

**Author's Note:**

> AU of the Season 5 episode ‘The End.’  
> Just a little one shot that came out of nowhere. Hope it’s somewhat enjoyable.

Sometimes, Castiel wonders what life would be like if he hadn’t stayed behind with Gabriel and Dean. Gabriel, who had already been permanently attached to Dean, rarely leaving his side for any reason after Sam gave in and said yes, had made the decision first, and while Castiel would like to wallow in self-denial, believing there would have been no way whatsoever that he would have followed his brothers and sisters into heaven, to leave Dean behind, _abandon him,_ the fact is that it was a harder decision to make than it had been for Gabriel. It had taken him longer and he feels ashamed for that. 

But Dean never looked at him, specifically, differently. Sure, his eyes had that haunted look about them with a side of desperation, but really, Dean became more determined than anything else. And who knows what Dean would have done without the two of them by his side, because strangely with Gabriel it was a shock to him, the fact that the decision had been made in his head weeks prior, it wasn’t like he could go back to heaven anyway though; Dean always knew that Castiel would stay, that nothing would tear apart _their_ bond. 

So even though Castiel doesn’t regret his ultimate decision, as he knows Gabriel never does, he still has to wonder sometimes... 

Right now though, he’s content to watch and simultaneously admire his charge through the filmy windshield. There’s something beautiful about the way Dean takes immediate action and fights, the way he picks up a machete or slips his fingers around a gun as if it’s another primary piece of him that he wouldn't know how to do without. Castiel watches, and he need not look across the seat to know that Gabriel is watching too, with bright, unwavering eyes. 

“Shouldn’t we go assist him?”

“Nah,” Gabriel shakes his head lightly, and Cas knows that Gabriel knows it’s not really a question that needs to be answered at all. “Sitting here and watching’s where most of the fun is,” he grins before reaching into an empty licorice bag for perhaps the fifteenth time today. Castiel’s being generous on that assumption. 

Gabriel doesn’t curse, doesn’t even make a sound, but Castiel knows he’s frustrated and anxious without his addiction being sated. As always, he imagines when he’s going to run out of his pills before laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. 

“When we get to the next town we’ll ransack every store if we have to.” His eyes plead Gabriel for patience even though he thinks it’ll be a far shot this time. He’s right. 

“Never mind,” Gabriel growls, before his hand moves to the door handle and he slides out of the rickety old truck so fast, Castiel doesn’t focus on him again till he’s back to back with Dean, in battle stance. Castiel sighs and pops the fourth pill of the morning into his dry mouth, just for good measure. He chews on it absentmindedly, watching the two without a thought in his head. 

It’s another half-minute before he slips outside and figures he ought to help; being human just doesn’t provide him with much motivation.

...

Dean’s dead tired and collapsed on the back seat, eyes dark from apparent exhaustion and limbs splayed in every which direction. Castiel thinks that even if a bomb were to go off, he wouldn’t wake. It doesn’t matter anyway, he needs it. Castiel and Gabriel need sleep too, given they’re human, but Dean needs more because most of the time when he puts his mind to it, his body and senses won’t let up enough to let him sleep. 

It’s frustrating, everything is frustrating anymore, so why would this be any different? 

When Gabriel gets back into the truck, sliding in next to Cas, the latter can tell he’s come up empty handed again and that if he doesn’t get some candy pretty soon, he’s going to implode. He starts up the engine in pity and they ride in silence for a while before Gabriel tells him to pull over and Cas does, watching as the all too human Gabriel settles in the back with Dean, pushing him aside so he can curl up behind him and wrap his arms around him. They make a beautiful picture from what Castiel can see in the rear view mirror; then again, they always have. 

It’s a long ride, even if they don’t really know where they’re going. Castiel knows it’s going to be a long ride, and driving certainly doesn’t help to keep his mind off of things...

“Just park the damn thing already and get in the back, you numb skull.”

For once, Castiel jams the bottle of pills between the seats, nearly chuckles and obeys.

**FIN**


End file.
